


this is us

by BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alter switching, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dogs, Family Reunions, Gen, Irregular Update Schedule, Kinda, Panic Attacks, Plane rides, Service Dogs, Slow To Update, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, also abandoning a dog, connies the real mvp, google translated other languages, there’s a very iffy adoption that happens but yeah, this fic is quite dark by the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23454523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch/pseuds/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch
Summary: He was two when his father gave him to close friends in another twin while he got his shit together.He was three when the abandoned him at a gas station three states down.He was four when the Evansons adopted him.He was seven when he discovered Mr. Universe, along with the others in his head.He was ten when his family found them.And now they’re just learning to live again.[BEING REWRITTEN, READ LAST CHAPTER]
Relationships: Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe
Comments: 21
Kudos: 94





	1. the shadowy ghosts of memories long buried but risen up like your zombie heart

**Author's Note:**

> Please critique! >3 (and if you have anything to add about DID, please do!! this is practice for a future, original book I wanna write, so if there’s anything wrong or incorrect, please do correct!). I hope you liked this! It’ll go more in depth in later chapters, don’t worry <3

At first, he lived with his father. He doesn’t remember anything besides warm hands, which makes sense for a two year old.

But, his father wasn’t stable, and neither was anyone else willing to care for him. And so, he was given, after long debates, to a young couple that were friend’s of his father’s across the state.

He lived there for a year, and for a while, they were nice.

He remembers their dog, big and covered in curly sun gold fur. He was so soft and playful, though a bit hyperactive.

Then the arguing began. First small, then it grew, and they were always fighting.

When he spoke up, they snapped at him, so he learned to keep quiet. So did the dog.

One day, they went on a road trip, the dog and him in the back, with the couple oddly silent in the front.

They travelled three states down, then stopped at a gas station.

They hopped out, taking the two of them outside the car. They tied the dog to a nearby pole with its harness, taking off its collar.

They put him down next to it, then told them they’d be back soon, and left.

He watched them drive away. So did the dog.

The two laid there for what felt like hours, the dog curling up around him when it got tired. He leaned onto it, though he never fell asleep.

After a while, a lady came, and gave them a worried glance. She eyed the area, then went inside.

When she came back out, they were still there. She glanced around, but found no parents in site.

Finally, she leaned down, reaching out to him, when the dog raised its head, growling at her in a message clear to see.

She pulled away. “I won’t touch him” She confirmed, putting her hands up in surrender.

The dog still watched her as she got what answers she could out of him.

After a while, she nodded, and pulled out her phone.

She stayed with them until the cars arrived, trying to separate the two and failing, before simply taking both of them.

They watched as she waved them off.

He wishes she’d taken them.

* * *

For a while, he and the dog, whom he’d named Goldie, got bounced around a lot, always being returned. That is, until, the Evansons came.

They were a religious, traditional family. The mom was German, and the father was Welsh, and so they lived in Wales.

They were strict, and had a family of six kids, but adopted him and Goldie Anyways after fostering them for a month. He was four. Goldie was two.

They lived well off, and for a while they were nice, treating him and getting him baptized and buying him and his siblings things.

Then it went bad.

They started to neglect him and his siblings, and so they turned on each other.

They seemed to tolerate his abilities, though at one certain outburst they almost drowned him in the Holy Water tub they shoved him into.

Goldie was his one friend, and constantly by his side. The other kids at school didn’t like him, and any who pretended to left him as soon as he wants useful.

And so, he developed friends.

First was Quinn, a lovely woman a bit older than him. She was very maternal to him.

There were lots of gaps in his memories, and sometimes he simply seemed to wake up at random times. Dissociating was a common thing with him, but Goldie learnt quick how to help him.

He, or _they_ , learned too.

And no matter how hard things got, Goldie was there, always by his side, and him always by her side.

* * *

There grew to be more and more people in his head, and Goldie loved all of them. He liked them all too. They were his friends.

The gaps in his memory remained, and he struggled with panic attacks, but Goldie was good to him.

She was like a service dog, except neither of them knew what they were doing, and she wasn’t certified.

Still, it was a small town, and it was well known by everyone that the dog followed the boy no matter what.

One day, when he was five, they kicked him and Goldie out, and the two of them wandered around until they found a nice nook to curl into, and the only sibling that could drive picked them up at dawn.

They continued to kick each child out, though they always got picked up, for longer and longer each night. 

One night, they kicked all of them out, and it wasn’t the bloodbath he thought it would be, as everyone simply began walking towards their chosen waiting zone, laying down and waiting it out until their parents drove up before school, picking them up without question.

One night, after kicking him up, they never picked him up, and so he sat there with Goldie for a whole day before a friend of his parents found him and picked him up. He didn’t make a comment.

He didn’t need to be top of the class to know the “oh” his mother gave when her friend showed up with him and Goldie was disappointed.

He let it happen, eternally grateful his primary abandoners had left him with Goldie, who was his favourite gal.

* * *

He found Mr. Universe through that friend, who was listening to it when she picked him up. He caught the name on her CD, and searched him up later into the day.

He liked him, and tried to figure out if he could meet him, despite him being an unpopular artist from the late eighties.

Still, though, he tracked him down, and managed to contact him.

His star seemed so glad to meet with a young fan who loved his work, though he didn’t miss the falter in him when he said his name.

They talked when they could, which wasn’t much, but it was enough. 

Then, suddenly, they stopped talking, and Steven, once more, curled in on himself. 

Brick took over, and then it was black.

* * *

He was nine, though, when everything changed.

Or rather, they.

Quinn was co-con with him, and he was playing on the old, broken down computer his siblings had given to him. They were exploring the little games they could play on it, and Goldie lay beside his feet, head resting in her paws.

He was just about to finish a level when his mom burst in, looking annoyed. He froze.

_Oh, god, oh, god, oh fuck, what’s happening issheangrywhatshappeningohgodohgodimgonnadieimgonnadieimgonna-_

Suddenly, the situation was falling away, melting like a candle lit for too long.

He blinked, confused, before it slipped into a second of darkness.

He woke up standing by the door, staring outside. Goldie was by his side, and her tail began to wag excitedly when she saw he woke up. She didn’t bark, she never did, but he leaned down and scratched her ears.

”Hey girl,” he whispers, “what’s happening?”

She tugged on his backpack lightly, and began to lead him down the hall. He was holding a suitcase. He let it roll behind him.

”So,” his older sister, Juno, began, leaning against her doorway. She leveled him with a hard green look, and he tensed. Goldie prepared beside him.

But, she didn’t attack. “Finally leaving this hellhole, huh? Lucky bastard” she growled, then, she turned and left into her room, slamming the door with a force that made him flinch.

He blinked at the door, surprised at the lack of reaction, before Goldie bumps his leg, guiding him back to reality.

”Thanks, girl” he murmurs, scratching her on her neck, making her tail wag slightly.

He continued down the stairs, arriving at the door, where there were a man and four women standing at the door. One was a small, balding man who looked like he was near close to crying. The next was a tall, stoic woman with square hair and glasses that covered her eyes. She was stiff, but trembling ever so slightly. The other was a pale, lanky woman with a gem on her forehead - _kind of like us_ , Rea noted from the inner world - and she looked close to crying to. The final was a short, purple woman with long hair that covered one eye. She, too, looked emotional, but not close to crying.

His mom ushered him forwards. “Here he is, take him” she said, switching to English.

His eyebrows shot up, though he made no comment. What was this, trading? There was no papers or officials in sight.

They were just giving them over? Just like that?

_Why am I not surprised_ , River drawled in his mind. He could hear Eden crying, though Brick was hurriedly helping him.

She pushed him towards them, and bid him, Goldie, and the quadro farewell.

The door banged as she shut it.

”Uh,” the purple one started after a long pause, “welcome to the family.”

He hoped this one would be better than the last.


	2. secrets held under lock and key, but which you held the key to which we did not want you to use

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a long plane ride to Beach City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please critique <3 Hope you liked it!

Goldie loves her boy.

Young and broken, she took care of him, just as he took care of her.

She was there for him through everything, and so was he for her.

He was there when she limped back from a dog fight, and he was there when she was too tired to help him with his troubles.

They learned to cope with how they lived, and she learned how to help him when he shut down, and also, how to help him when he seemed to forget and become... someone else.

She remembers the first one, very sweet but a lot more courageous and a bit more reckless than her Steven. She, not he, called herself Quinn, and enjoyed baseball, climbing trees, ASMR, and honey. She also liked dogs porcupines, and played fetch with her. She also taught her tricks.

Goldie notes that these people only remember what they, them-self, had been present for, which made sense.

She got used to it.

She learned to catch when dissociation and switching were beginning, and mostly learned to simply allow it to switch, while making sure her boy was out of danger. 

And so, when she caught that look and posture beginning, she took actions immediately. He knew how to do it, too, and so his hand fit perfectly under her collar.

She leads him forward, following the people, who were just a few feet ahead of them. Their body quickly became practically dead weight, but managed to keep taking steps with Goldie tugging on them with every blink.

She keeps aware, surveying the area to make sure they’re not under any sort of risk while they’re in their far away state, as it’d become apparent early on when they started getting like this that they weren’t quite aware fo their surroundings, as if they were asleep while standing.

They had been walking for about twenty minutes when they seemed to snap back, breathing in and glancing around before looking down at Goldie, who gave them the signal that it was safe.

They nodded. She could see the slight split that happened sometimes, where two of them were present at the consciousness at once.

After a few minutes of walking and leading, she’d deduced who it was. The posture and look in the eyes felt familiar, though Sally’s appearance was co-fronted with Peachy.

Goldie likes Sally and Peachy - well, she likes everyone in the body - but Sally and Peachy are especially nice to her.

Peach likes to cuddle, while Sally enjoys feeding Goldie treat after treat. She likes both of them.

Her hand is out from underneath Goldie’s collar, and they continue to walk side by side. She watches them fluctuate a bit, though it seems to be a steady of Sally and Peachy.

After another thirty minutes of walking, they arrive upon a jet, and get inside. The square lady goes to the pilots chamber while everyone sits down, including Goldie and her girls. Goldie sits down on the aisle seat, tail beating softly against the floor. She watches everyone, and lays her head down on Sally’s lap as the plane takes off, letting the two girls grip onto her curly scruff.

Soon, though, they’re good, and Goldie goes back to watch.

The four people who picked them up are engaged in a seemingly serious conversation on the other side of the plane. Goldie only catches a bit, and manages to deduce that they’re goal is not to _hurt_ , which is good. 

_If, that is, they’re speaking the truth._

_I’ll stay on my guard._

After a while, the man comes by with a tray of food and some drinks. Goldie watches him intensely, leaning against her girls, who run their fingers through her fur anxiously.

They stare for a moment before Sally finds a voice.

”No thank you, sir, I’m good” she says.

He eyes them, almost amusedly. Then, he sits down across from them. 

Goldie rests her paws on her lap, which Sally and Peachy squeeze gently, though she can see it’s mostly Sally as of now.

The man glances down at Goldie. “That’s a pretty good dog you’ve got there. They let you keep her?” He comments.

Sally reaches out, and Goldie clambers up, letting her wrap her arms around her neck. Sally rests her head on Goldie’s, who licks her arm softly. “Of course they did” she mumbles into Goldie’s soft pelt.

The man nods. “I know you’re wondering why you’re here.” He says.

Goldie knows Sally is.

The man sighs, a thousand emotions flashing in his eyes before he speaks.

”Do you remember how you got to the foster home?”

_No_ , Goldie thinks, _she doesn’t hold those memories. Brick and Peachy do.  
_

She knows because she’s never seen Sally even show the slightest hint of breakdown over the memories, while Brick and Peachy do.

But he doesn’t know that.

She bites her lip, and Goldie nuzzles her. “No” she responds.

He looks a bit startled, but doesn’t comment on it.

”Well, it was a case of child abandonment” he begins.

_No, no, no_ Goldie thinks, _you’re not supposed to tell her these things._

She remembers how each of them seem to shut down, breaking when the memories that they were made to block out are brought back up. Especially in such a... _casual_... way.

Some of them left. She doesn’t like when they leave, they make everyone sad.

Goldie hops as much as she can onto her lap, licking her face. Sally wraps her arms tightly around her neck, burying away from the trauma.

The man goes quiet. “Is that your service animal?” He asks, watching them almost sorrowfully.

She shakes her head. “No, she’s my best friend.”

He smiles, gentle and genuine, though a little sad.

”Well, anyways, we’ve been searching for you a long time” he continues.

”You have?” She asks.

He nods. “Yeah, Steven, here’s the thing...”

”I am your father.”

The room is silent.

”Like... biologically?” She asks.

He nods. “Your mother was Rose Quartz, and those three ladies” he gestures to the strange women still sitting there, pretending not to eavesdrop, “are your aunts. I guess.”

She simply stares for a moment. “Oh” she breathes.

Her gaze goes far, fading into the back of her mind and _ah damn_.

Goldie leans her head on their lap, glancing around and waiting for somebody to pop back in. She wonders who it’ll be.

The man continues on, until realizing that the boy across the room isn’t reacting to anything. He moves forwards, but Goldie growls at him, low and soft but stern enough to give him the message.

He freezes, then leans back.

Goldie goes back to her job, and they wait for what feels like forever until suddenly somebody’s blinking back into focus and _oh, good evening Brick._

His eyebrows furrow, but his hands find Goldie, and she gives him the signal that it’s alright, and he turns to the man across the table. He eyes him. “Sorry, what? I zoned out.”

”It’s... alright” their father replies, still eyeing them with confusion and suspicion, though he doesn’t comment. “As I was saying, I know it’s a lot to process, but it’s okay. You’re not alone anymore, we’re gonna to be a family again.”

”I- okay” Brick blinks.

The man tilts his head, but doesn’t say anything. “Well, uh, we’ll be landing soon. We live in Beach City, I’ll show you around.”

Brick nods. “So, we’re your children now?”

He blinks, then shrugs and nods, scratching the back of his neck. “Well, yeah, you’re my child.”

”Oh,” Brick responds, “Nice.”

The man seems confused by the apathetic reaction, though soon the plane is going heading down, and it’s time to leave.

Goldie hopes this town is better than the one before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please critique <3 Hope you liked it!


	3. UPDATE

hello, hi! it’s me, the author. i’m aware i haven’t updated this book in a hot minute, and that’s because i’ve decided to rewrite it. please beware that my schedule isn’t linear whatsoever, so there’s no set date to when i’ll start the new one, but it’ll be under the same name as this one. when i actually DO post it, i’ll remember to post the link here. sorry to bother, loves! it’ll be out as soon as i can do it. take care of yourselves and have a good day <3

(PLEASE beware that the rewritten fic will be way more fucked up than this one, so please mind the new tags before you go in)

rewritten version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954431/chapters/68462933

**Author's Note:**

> Please critique! >3 (and if you have anything to add about DID, please do!! this is practice for a future, original book I wanna write, so if there’s anything wrong or incorrect, please do correct!). I hope you liked this! It’ll go more in depth in later chapters, don’t worry <3


End file.
